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Ben Collins (reporter) Fake News, Real Orgasms
Read: All Me
Read: Bleep Bloop
About Chelsea Onik
Ben Collins (reporter) Fake News, Real Orgasms
Read: All Me
Read: Bleep Bloop
About Chelsea Onik
Read: All Me
Read: Bleep Bloop
About Chelsea Onik
ai ai oh
Beep Bloop Chelsea Onik 3/2/25 Beep Bloop Chelsea Onik 3/2/25

ai ai oh

a vice worse than stupidity (refrain).

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a beast worse than stupidity
Beep Bloop Chelsea Onik 3/1/25 Beep Bloop Chelsea Onik 3/1/25

a beast worse than stupidity

you should have one job.

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ai only gets lowercase (no title case until a title case)
Beep Bloop Chelsea Onik 3/1/25 Beep Bloop Chelsea Onik 3/1/25

ai only gets lowercase (no title case until a title case)

i love bloops.

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WRITER’S NOTES:

  • Ben Collins was honored with a 2023 Walter Cronkite Awards for Excellence in Television Political Journalism, which I respect as deeply as the penetration alluded to in these posts. As should every reader.

  • These are unedited first drafts written by me, a very cool unemployed woman who is in debt. I hope that in the coming decades more writers and editors will be involved in this project, recording much more explicit acts.

  • *The ridiculous phrase “their positions shifted gradually, the atmosphere thickening with longing, until at last their hips aligned in a moment of shared, quivering anticipation.” was generated by ChatGTP.

  • This is dedicated to my favorite writer and second favorite fellow Hyannis townie, Kurt Vonnegut. Posthumously, he takes none of this shit… and yes, if I could redesign the 2007 Barnstable High School yearbook cover to feature more natural beauty instead of a James Bond pun, I would — but he doesn’t need to keep haunting my dreams about it, he has said enough.